


hazardous for your health

by perhapssoon



Category: Cars (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Jk there might be some ship tease, M/M, Too Many OCs, dj has kids and he hates and loves it, human verse, idk rlly, or maybe boost and Wingo are doing something, p much everyone else is dating, totally platonic drh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 14:12:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: DJ wonders for the fifteenth time why he agreed to have kids.  Human verse.





	hazardous for your health

**Author's Note:**

> Boost is 31, Wingo is 30, DJ is 29, and Snot Rod is 28 (12 years after Cars 1)

“Okay, I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“How do kids work, man?”

The laughter through the phone nearly blows out the speaker. DJ is less than amused. 

“Seriously, guys. How do they work?”

Wingo stops laughing enough to ask, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” DJ glances over his shoulder and then continues. “When I leave the room for five minutes, it doesn’t mean I should come back to them hanging off the ceiling fan.”

The laughter resumes and DJ huffs in annoyance, allowing a slight smile to slip across his face nevertheless. 

“I don’t know, Deej,” Boost says finally. “Kids are kids, you know?”

“You’ve never parented, have you?”

The lightness in Boost’s voice is infuriating. “Nope.”

“Well, I can help you,” Wingo says, and DJ snorts. 

“How? I don’t want you showing up to my house and teaching them all how to do meth.”

Wingo voice is one of mock offense. “Why would I do that? I would never do that.”

“Your record says otherwise,” Boost puts in and the former Delinquent Road Hazards, minus Wingo, laugh again. 

“I don’t think Deej wants you to teach his kids how to graffiti speed limit signs either,” Snot Rod says and Wingo sighs audibly, sending a wave of static loud enough for DJ to hold the phone away from his ear. 

“Yeesh, I’m not gonna do any of that!”

“Isn’t Milli handling the kids?” Boost asks and DJ replies honestly. 

“No, she said I had to for twenty four hours because she says I need to learn how to parent. I don’t think it’s going well.”

“Apparently not, or you wouldn’t be calling us, would you?” Boost pauses and then adds, “And why are you calling us? We’re literally the last people you should be asking for help.”

“Because why not? Who else am I supposed to ask?”

“Good point.”

“Are you even going to consider handling the kids without my help?” Wingo says. “Because honestly I don’t think the two of us could handle any more than what you’re doing right now, but we can take that chance.”

DJ groans, though he’s secretly relieved. At least he won’t have to suffer on his own. 

“Fine, but you have to actually help. No riling them up even more.”

“There’s the DJ we’re looking for. A responsible human and totally not that DJ from twelve years ago.”

“Shut up.”

—

Both Jacob and Riley had calmed down a bit by the time DJ went back into the living room. They had taken a box of cookies from the pantry and then proceeded to dump all of them out onto the couch, spreading the crumbs everywhere. 

DJ had long come to the understanding that whenever kids were unusually silent, it wasn’t a good thing. 

“Jacob, Riley,” he starts, and the kids, to their credit, know when Dad is going to give them a lecture. They both ignore him. 

DJ’s starting to see why Milli challenged him to parenting. Even for one day, the kids were exhausting. 

The kids know — actually, the correct term is love — Wingo, so DJ uses that to his advantage.

“Wingo’s coming over,” is all he says before he has the kids’ full attention. 

“Really?” Jacob stuffs about three cookies into his mouth at the same time and crumbs fly everywhere. “Today?”

“Right now?” Riley chimes in, eyes lighting up. “Does Mommy know?”

DJ shakes his head, seeing another advantage. “No, she doesn’t. So you’re going to have to keep quiet about this, ‘kay?”

“Okay!” The kids chorus and DJ feels slightly triumphant. 

About ten minutes later, DJ sees the familiar six-winged spoiler of Wingo’s car and goes outside to greet his friend. 

None of the former gang members changed nor remodeled their cars, which made them stand out, both at night and definitely during the day. And none of them minded the extra attention either. DJ resisted against blending in mostly because Jacob and Riley loved the attention and waved out the windows to police officers, unaware of their father’s track record. 

“Hope you’re ready,” he says, all too aware of his kids peeking through the window at the two of them. “They’re excited to see you.”

Wingo laughs and shakes his head. “Who isn’t?”

DJ rolls his eyes and follows him into the house. 

The kids practically leap into Wingo once he walks through the door; Riley latches onto his left leg and Jacob clings to his brightly colored coat. Wingo gives DJ a what, they like me look and DJ rolls his eyes again. 

“You two have really been hyping it up, haven’t you?” Wingo asks. 

Jacob gives the 30-year-old a tooth-gapped smile while Wingo gently tugs the kid off of him. “Yup!” he says proudly like driving his dad crazy is a huge accomplishment. 

“Well, how about we calm down a bit, eh?” DJ does a double take. Wingo never says that. “Can’t having you drive Dad crazy and over the edge all the time if you still want to keep your dad.”

Jacob and Riley nod, all serious. Wingo grins and reaches into the inside pockets of his obnoxiously colored coat. DJ expects many things to come out of the pockets, but he wasn’t expecting Wingo to give each child what seemed like a packet of paper. Upon closer inspection, DJ realizes that Wingo just gave both of his kids some kind of half-assed coloring book but instead of an actual book, it was a bunch of paper stapled together with what DJ recognizes as inked versions of Wingo’s various artwork. 

He has to give to him; Wingo could actually do well if he tried. 

“Don’t suppose you have any random crayons or sh-stuff like that?” Wingo asks, glancing around the room with a look that showed he knew the answer to his own question. 

DJ didn’t really concentrate on that. He’s mostly focused on the fact that Wingo actually didn’t swear or tried not to anyway. Maybe they are all becoming decent people, but it was in that moment that DJ realized exactly how he and his friends had changed. 

Luckily, Riley is the one who answers. “Mom doesn’t like that stuff. She doesn’t want us to color the house.”

Wingo blinks but recovers quickly. “Well don’t tell your mom, alright?”

He’s looking to DJ for approval and DJ gives him a half-nod. It’s hitting him hard with how much they’ve grown. 

“Okay!” Riley bobs her head and Jacob jumps up and down as Wingo retrieves two packets for markers from his coat pocket and hands one to each kid.

DJ’ll give him credit for how prepared he is. 

While Riley and Jacob are occupied with coloring (the proposal of getting away with something that is usually not allowed is exciting) Wingo turns to DJ with a smirk. 

“That good enough?”

“Yeah, thanks, man.”

Wingo shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocking back on his heels. “It’s what friends are for, yeah?”

DJ nods. “You usually this good with kids?”

“Learned from the best.” Wingo gestures to DJ with a genuine smile and then turns to look at the couch covered in cookie crumbs. “Best if we cleaned that up, yeah? I’m not the best with that so—“

“Boost is coming, isn’t he?”

“I had no idea he is such a clean freak,” Wingo laughs and DJ grins as well. 

—

The kids are still coloring when Boost comes in. Wingo had left a few minutes earlier so the driveway was cleared out for Boost’s more subtle Eclipse. 

“Thought Milli didn’t like markers and that stuff.”

“She doesn’t,” Jacob pipes up, his sister too involved with her coloring to say anything. “We’re being sneaky.”

Boost gives one of those rare smiles that DJ’s only seen him give to his boyfriend. “Of course you are.”

His eyes drift to the couch and he grimaces. “I assume that’s why I’m here?”

DJ shrugs: “You’re welcome to leave,” knowing full well Boost wouldn’t, if not for the couch, then for just hanging out. 

Boost laughs. “Nice try, Deej.”

They set to work clearing out the couch. The kids reluctantly move from the living room to the kitchen, where they are less likely to stain anything. 

“You have a vacuum cleaner, or are you too cool for that?”

Milli’s a neat freak as well, hence the no markers rule. DJ hauls it out of the closet and plugs it in, letting Boost do whatever he wants and goes to see the kids. 

They are so engrossed, they don’t hear him come up behind them. They have Wingo’s style, which is probably why they love him so much. His friends are rubbing off on his kids, DJ figures, judging by their willingness to sneak around Milli’s rules. 

Snot Rod’s bound to show up soon, DJ realizes, because if one of the former DRH shows up, the rest follow soon after. 

Boost is apparently dissatisfied with the vacuum and busy dumping out the content of the bag into the trash can. DJ smirks and goes to help him. 

“Not empty enough for you?”

Boost gives him a half-hearted glare and shoves the empty canister at DJ. “Hold this.”

He bangs the filter against the trash can with enough force to dislodge more than half of its contents. It’s loud enough to distract the kids and make them come over to see what the ruckus is all about. 

“You’re using the vacuum?” The awe in Jacob’s voice is rather obvious but Boost either doesn’t care (which is a new record for him) or doesn’t hear. 

“Yeah,” Boost gives the filter one last hard tap and then takes the canister back and reassembled the vacuum. 

Jacob’s eyes show that he sees an opportunity. “Can I use it?”

Boost glances over at DJ, who grins and shrugs before unhooking the tube from the vacuum and hands it to the kid, who holds it like it’s an object of worship. “Go ahead.”

Of course, since her brother gets to use a machine their mom doesn’t let them use, Riley wants to as well. 

Boost allows both kids two turns before he takes control again and finishes off the crumbs stuck in the crevices of the couch. 

“You still have your boost canisters?” DJ asks him when he’s finished and the kids go back to coloring. 

“Yeah, I don’t really use them anymore,” Boost says. “Not really a reason to.”

The glint in DJ’s eyes is enough to clue him in.

“You free tomorrow night?”

Boost grins. “No, but I will be.”

—

As expected, Snot Rod shows up after Boost leaves and DJ fills him in. And as expected, he’s down for a night like the old days. 

“It’s been a while,” he says, looking over at the kids. “Would be nice, that is if you’re willing to risk it.”

“I might,” DJ says. “As long as we’re not going all out.”

Snot Rod sneezes and then nods. “Why would we, though?”

That’s a good question, because, DJ thinks, they’ve all grown out of their teenage years and even early twenties, no matter how much they try to convince themselves otherwise. 

When DJ doesn’t answer, Snot Rod asks, while eyeing the kids, “Wingo gave them that, didn’t he?”

“You recognize his work, don’t you?” DJ jokes. 

Snot Rod’s lips twitch slightly. “If you ran the law with him for at least five years, wouldn’t you recognize it?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I did as well,” DJ says. 

“What’s that? Didn’t hear you over the loud music you blasted.”

DJ rolls his eyes. 

“Okay but Boost and Wingo are okay with this?”

“Boost is. Wingo’s quick to convince about this stuff so yeah.”

“I kinda miss those days,” Snot Rod says honestly. “When we really didn’t have anything to care about. Now you have kids, Boost’s actually in a long term relationship, Wingo is in _some_ kind of relationship, and I’m doing something in my life. 

DJ misses that life as well, but only replies with a simple nod of agreement. 

“Daddy, look!” Riley suddenly appears holding one of the coloring pages. DJ doesn’t recognize it as anything he’s seen before and judging from Snot Rod’s expression, he hasn’t either. Wingo’s obviously been busy with his artwork. 

He’s drawn back to the present when Riley says excitedly, “It’s your car!”

Looking closer, DJ can indeed see his car drawn in rather surprisingly detailed ink next to each of the DRH’s. He’s touched. How long did Wingo take to make this? 

Riley has colored his car accordingly, and Snot Rod’s as well, seeing both cars are available for reference but Boost and Wingo’s cars are just vaguely colored their respective themes. 

DJ nods in acknowledgement to dismiss Riley and she bounds back to her seat. 

“Wingo actually drew that?” Snot Rod asks. “That’s interesting that he didn’t tell us.”

“He probably left it for that exact reason. For either Riley or Jacob to find it and point it out.”

The kids seem to have finished coloring and hand their markers to DJ who gives it to Snot Rod. “Do you know what time Mommy’s coming home?

DJ glances at the clock. “About now.”

As if on cue, the door unlocks and Milli steps in right when Snot Rod managed to shove the markers into his pocket. 

“Oh, hey SR!” One cool thing about Milli is that she never refers to any of DJ’s former gang members with their real names, recognizing it makes them slightly uncomfortable since they all know her well. “Just stopping by?”

Snot Rod grins a bit awkwardly. “Yeah.”

Milli glances over at the kids, who were smart enough to hide the coloring pages and somehow, in the span of the the door opening, pulled open all the cabinets in the kitchen and rifling through them. “They a handful?” She asks DJ, who gives her a knowing smile. 

“Of course.”

“Well,” Milli shifts her purse higher up onto her shoulder as she speaks. “Hopefully they’ll actually get to bed this time. Make sure they aren’t up too late.”

She disappears down the hall and DJ gives Snot Rod a look and Snot Rod smirks in reply.

“I’d best be going,” Snot Rod says, eyes flicking sideways. “See you around, Deej.”

“You too, SR.”

—

“When was the last time we have done this?”

“Do what? 2am run to Taco Bell? Maybe five to ten years.”

“Feels longer than that.” Boost leans back against the hood of his car in the Taco Bell parking lot. “Life just catches you up and,” He makes a vague motion with his hands, but his friends seem to understand. They all know that feeling. 

“At least we’re not running in with the law anymore,” DJ says. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but police officers are definitely giving us sideways glances.”

“Oh, I noticed.” Wingo slurps his soda and crosses his legs, balancing on the smooth hood of his car. “I don’t care. By the way, if any one of you needs to hide from those wee-woo wackos, you know who to call.”

“Your vocabulary hasn’t improved a bit in twelve years, has it?” Boost comments, smirking, and Wingo leans across the white line on the pavement between them to lightly punch his friend’s shoulder. 

“Does it need to?”

“At least make an effort,” Snot Rod says and Wingo mock-pouts.

“You guys aren’t any fun.”

“Says the guy who only drinks on weekends now,” DJ jokes. 

“Oh come on, you do that too, Deej.” Boost is the one who speaks up, surprisingly. 

“Hey, lookit this.” Snot Rod was looking at his phone and now he flashes the screen at his friends. “Some race car got into a huge crash last week. And in this time with all the new tech coming in, too.”

Boost whistles. “Must be a pretty large blow for whoever crashed. Is there a name?”

“Yeah. Lightning McQueen.”

“Isn’t that the guy who lives in that Radiator Springs town thingy?” Wingo asks, and Snot Rod shrugs. 

“I think so.” He shows the article picture and Boost nods slowly. 

“I think I’ve seen him around. Never too much to catch his name. He definitely was at that Radiator Springs place. Stood out more than we do now.”

“Nah, I think we stand out plenty,” DJ says.

“Well I kinda feel like we should’ve noticed him, considering how many times we were set to community service there,” Snot Rod puts in, turning off his phone. 

“I think we just were complaining too much to really know what was going on,” Boost replies with a low chuckle. “Wow, we’ve really changed.”

The following silence is far from awkward, which is surprises DJ. Not even Wingo is willing to break the silence, allowing the quiet to stretch on, occasionally punctuated by cars passing by on the main road back to the city. 

“I just realized I never thanked you guys,” DJ finally said, his voice sounding loud against the previous silence. 

Snot Rod looks a bit confused. “For what?”

“For helping me with the kids, even when you didn’t have to.”

“I told you before and I’ll say it again, but that’s what friends do. Free of charge; no matter how cool it sounds, it’s actually much better,” Wingo proclaims, sounding like he was trying to keep from laughing. 

DJ snorts. “You’re looking to have everything free.”

“You know me too well.”

“Okay, but seriously,” Boost pushes himself off the hood of his car as he speaks. “We’re friends. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for each other. I bet if one of us had some issue, you would redirect the thank yous as well.”

DJ nods slowly. “Well then, I’ll just thank you for being my friends.”

The smiles on his friends’ faces is worth the compliment.

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly: The DRH’s relationships with each other are more brothers than anything else. It’s all platonic. (With some exceptions bc I personally only ship two member and that’s it)  
> Secondly: I use some headcanons for my stuff so if anything is confusing, just ask.  
> Thirdly: Everyone has jobs now, whether they like it or not.  
> Fourth: Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate it.


End file.
